Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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