So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
