you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
