She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
