guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
