Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
