Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
