Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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