How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
