you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
