fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
