Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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