I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
