we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
