he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
