I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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