Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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