he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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