my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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