I can text with my tongue
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
