that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
