just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
