If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
