I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All I want is dick and wine.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
