I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
