she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
