Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
