Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
