I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
