I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
