idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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