Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize