Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
