I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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