there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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