We're like a lot better than the average bears
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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