Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
