Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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