I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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