somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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