something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
