Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
