genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have post one night stand depression
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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