guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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