Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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