the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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