Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
