This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
