so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They have beer where we have blood.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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