I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
