We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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