Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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